Logic is a Flawed Term Anyway
Fundamental logic dictates that Ness could not have done what he did.
But he did. So logic is irrelevant.
And while logic is irrelevant, there's a lot of other things we can derive. And a lot of other things that would be illogical but undeniably took course during the course of the game that is Earthbound. The rising of thousands of threats across a country led no one to take notice. The meager semblance of law enforcement did nothing; there is no evidence of a national-level military body. There's no indication of a military body at all. And no indication that anyone but Ness fought the encroaching menace of Giygas. Which doesn't make sense. It's all illogical. Earthbound is, by premise, a game based on ill-logic. That can be remedied. So here's a little story called "Logicbound", which is both informative and so trite it makes Jeff492418 (just registered on the forums) seem original, written by your favorite psychotic Tenda-- I'm going to warp your mind.
Starting from the beginning, we already have quite a large problem; Ness is dead. Along with most of Onett. The impact of the meteorite has left a sizable crater and left most of the city in flames-- most were fortunate to be killed in the initial blast. With Ness out of the way, barring any illogical intervention of pseudo-physical powers, we're already much better off than we were originally. Because telekinetics and somesuch are just as illogical and nonsensical as magic, and we all know that magic isn't real. The point can be argued, so it's best that it's simply eliminated entirely. Ness is dead. Deal with it.
So now we have an extraterrestrial evil corrupting the minds of whatever it pleases. Starting from Onett, we have a base of animals-turned-rabid-and-psychotic tearing into people, and it is most definitely not safe to go inside. So everyone is hiding. Which is illogical, because some people, most likely men, and even more likely teenage boys armed with mock swords and other such video-game modeled weapons, are going to be fighting the rising menace. Futilely. So, being at the source of the corruption-- y'know Onett? Forget it. Dead. All of them. And the city itself is overthrown, burn to the ground, eradicated from the face of the earth-- something along those lines, it really doesn't matter. The point here is that the Sharks, Ness, Pokey, and that darn-blasted saxophone playing man are all dead. And the evil is spreading.
As the evil consumes the weak-minded wilderness creatures and hicks that live in the forest, it will surely be intensifying in strength. And, because Twoson has no means whatsoever to combat such an invasion, they're gone too. Not dead though-- just turned into the unwilling mind-slaves of Giygas. So they might as well be dead. In fact, they'd probably be better off dead, because in their current state, they are fighting each other in the streets and pretty much just staggering around idiotically. Oh, but only a few people were corrupted by Giygas in the game, correct-- but Buzz Buzz also said that Giygas took control of those with evil in their minds. The sheer lunacy of the conception that so few people had any evil going on up there is maddening. The only debatable cases are the "Chosen Four", one of whom is already dead-- we'll get to the others later.
Those zombies in Threed shouldn't exist, but since we're accepting the existance of an evil extradimensional megalomaniac, they will be allowed to slide; for now. When their leader is revealed as a large pile of animated vomit, however, logical lines are crossed. Furthermore, the enslaving of the Mr. Saturn creatures is laughable. Because logically, Mr. Saturn are so incredibly powerful (due to the construction of their anatomy, visible in various graphs unlockable through overly complex codes employed at the Onett Library) that they would simply slaughter Master Belch. So he's slaughtered. And, since Mr. Saturns are also the only organized society we have yet observed, they are now in control of the municipality of Threed; they have overthrown the zombie menace all on their own, as well as maintaining a safe border to the west with Twoson's maddened citizens. Those bows are meant to trick you. Don't buy into it.
Meanwhile, in Happy Happy Village, the power-hungry Carpainter has just brutally murdered Paula on a blue altar after raising an army of completely obedient servants. Paula's prayers to Ness went unanswered, as did and would all her other prayers, because telepathy just isn't working logically. It's a bloody mess in Happy Happy Village, and despite the flourishing postcard economy, they are pretty much out of the big picture. Eagleland is most likely better off for it as well.
Jeff discovered his true passion in life and continued to live happily with Tony in the Snow Wood Boarding House. Make what you will of that statement, I'm not touching it with a forty-foot pole. Winters has gone unaffected by the rise of Giygas, mostly because as such a foreign land it is completely unnecessary to even take it into consideration. Hence, Jeff was never contacted, he is not aware of his "destiny", and he simply sits there drinking tea with his pinky out. Once again, I reiterate-- forty-foot pole, not touching it.
At this point, there's no longer a point to continuing, as without the masterful control of Pokey, who is lying charred in a crater in Onett, Giygas goes through with his original plan of obliterating humanity. Unhindered. Whoops. With half of Eagleland fell to his minions, he is able to overthrow the rest of the country and later the world through sheer force of numbers. Poo never existed in the first place because cities can't float on crags of rock, and that remains the same no matter how many ninja bunnies you employ. It's just a scientific fact.
Logic makes a big bloody mess of this whole thing. The same could be said for the mind of any who try and rationalize something as completely far-out as Earthbound, which should be a testament to its altogether weird appeal. Which doesn't make any logical sense, but right now, everything is looking pretty illogical, most likely due to the mental haze of trying to see things in a logical light.
Imagining the impossibilities and flaws of Earthbound is not nearly as fun as it is to imagine what is possible within the constraints of a world without logic. The best part is, the circular logic of the whole darned thing keeps you going in circles until you realize that you can't possibly imagine anything when unconstrained by any logical thought simply due to the sheer immensity of the illogical thoughts which compromise any attempt to derive logic from them-- and in closing, I am never touching logic again, not even with a forty-foot pole, because some things are just better off that way.
And besides, should a meteorite ever land near my house, I'd sure as all heck rather be illogical than dead.
Fundamental logic dictates that Ness could not have done what he did.
But he did. So logic is irrelevant.
And while logic is irrelevant, there's a lot of other things we can derive. And a lot of other things that would be illogical but undeniably took course during the course of the game that is Earthbound. The rising of thousands of threats across a country led no one to take notice. The meager semblance of law enforcement did nothing; there is no evidence of a national-level military body. There's no indication of a military body at all. And no indication that anyone but Ness fought the encroaching menace of Giygas. Which doesn't make sense. It's all illogical. Earthbound is, by premise, a game based on ill-logic. That can be remedied. So here's a little story called "Logicbound", which is both informative and so trite it makes Jeff492418 (just registered on the forums) seem original, written by your favorite psychotic Tenda-- I'm going to warp your mind.
Starting from the beginning, we already have quite a large problem; Ness is dead. Along with most of Onett. The impact of the meteorite has left a sizable crater and left most of the city in flames-- most were fortunate to be killed in the initial blast. With Ness out of the way, barring any illogical intervention of pseudo-physical powers, we're already much better off than we were originally. Because telekinetics and somesuch are just as illogical and nonsensical as magic, and we all know that magic isn't real. The point can be argued, so it's best that it's simply eliminated entirely. Ness is dead. Deal with it.
So now we have an extraterrestrial evil corrupting the minds of whatever it pleases. Starting from Onett, we have a base of animals-turned-rabid-and-psychotic tearing into people, and it is most definitely not safe to go inside. So everyone is hiding. Which is illogical, because some people, most likely men, and even more likely teenage boys armed with mock swords and other such video-game modeled weapons, are going to be fighting the rising menace. Futilely. So, being at the source of the corruption-- y'know Onett? Forget it. Dead. All of them. And the city itself is overthrown, burn to the ground, eradicated from the face of the earth-- something along those lines, it really doesn't matter. The point here is that the Sharks, Ness, Pokey, and that darn-blasted saxophone playing man are all dead. And the evil is spreading.
As the evil consumes the weak-minded wilderness creatures and hicks that live in the forest, it will surely be intensifying in strength. And, because Twoson has no means whatsoever to combat such an invasion, they're gone too. Not dead though-- just turned into the unwilling mind-slaves of Giygas. So they might as well be dead. In fact, they'd probably be better off dead, because in their current state, they are fighting each other in the streets and pretty much just staggering around idiotically. Oh, but only a few people were corrupted by Giygas in the game, correct-- but Buzz Buzz also said that Giygas took control of those with evil in their minds. The sheer lunacy of the conception that so few people had any evil going on up there is maddening. The only debatable cases are the "Chosen Four", one of whom is already dead-- we'll get to the others later.
Those zombies in Threed shouldn't exist, but since we're accepting the existance of an evil extradimensional megalomaniac, they will be allowed to slide; for now. When their leader is revealed as a large pile of animated vomit, however, logical lines are crossed. Furthermore, the enslaving of the Mr. Saturn creatures is laughable. Because logically, Mr. Saturn are so incredibly powerful (due to the construction of their anatomy, visible in various graphs unlockable through overly complex codes employed at the Onett Library) that they would simply slaughter Master Belch. So he's slaughtered. And, since Mr. Saturns are also the only organized society we have yet observed, they are now in control of the municipality of Threed; they have overthrown the zombie menace all on their own, as well as maintaining a safe border to the west with Twoson's maddened citizens. Those bows are meant to trick you. Don't buy into it.
Meanwhile, in Happy Happy Village, the power-hungry Carpainter has just brutally murdered Paula on a blue altar after raising an army of completely obedient servants. Paula's prayers to Ness went unanswered, as did and would all her other prayers, because telepathy just isn't working logically. It's a bloody mess in Happy Happy Village, and despite the flourishing postcard economy, they are pretty much out of the big picture. Eagleland is most likely better off for it as well.
Jeff discovered his true passion in life and continued to live happily with Tony in the Snow Wood Boarding House. Make what you will of that statement, I'm not touching it with a forty-foot pole. Winters has gone unaffected by the rise of Giygas, mostly because as such a foreign land it is completely unnecessary to even take it into consideration. Hence, Jeff was never contacted, he is not aware of his "destiny", and he simply sits there drinking tea with his pinky out. Once again, I reiterate-- forty-foot pole, not touching it.
At this point, there's no longer a point to continuing, as without the masterful control of Pokey, who is lying charred in a crater in Onett, Giygas goes through with his original plan of obliterating humanity. Unhindered. Whoops. With half of Eagleland fell to his minions, he is able to overthrow the rest of the country and later the world through sheer force of numbers. Poo never existed in the first place because cities can't float on crags of rock, and that remains the same no matter how many ninja bunnies you employ. It's just a scientific fact.
Logic makes a big bloody mess of this whole thing. The same could be said for the mind of any who try and rationalize something as completely far-out as Earthbound, which should be a testament to its altogether weird appeal. Which doesn't make any logical sense, but right now, everything is looking pretty illogical, most likely due to the mental haze of trying to see things in a logical light.
Imagining the impossibilities and flaws of Earthbound is not nearly as fun as it is to imagine what is possible within the constraints of a world without logic. The best part is, the circular logic of the whole darned thing keeps you going in circles until you realize that you can't possibly imagine anything when unconstrained by any logical thought simply due to the sheer immensity of the illogical thoughts which compromise any attempt to derive logic from them-- and in closing, I am never touching logic again, not even with a forty-foot pole, because some things are just better off that way.
And besides, should a meteorite ever land near my house, I'd sure as all heck rather be illogical than dead.
