Ness' REAL Dad: A Character Analysis
Okay, for my first article, I will touch upon an overused subject, but with a viewpoint used for the first time. After the current theory was posted (what does Ness' dad do that keeps him away...), I thought that my answer needed to be an article so that the masses can see the truth.
Throughout the article, I shall go through the same steps as during the theory submission, with a little more added to prove the point. I shall analyze the character using the following self-approved 5-step method:
1.Find the characteristics of Ness' dad's job and behavior
2Analyze said characteristics to find the perfect job for him
3.Unveil his true identity to the world.
4.Use more examples to prove that I'm right (as I always am)
5.State once more that I'm right because I can never hear enough of that.
Okay, only the first three are actually relevant to finding out who it is, but number four is for the readers and number five is for my self-enjoyment.
For step 1, we find the characteristics of Ness' dad's job and behavior. Quite simply put, these are as follows:
Now, using these five pieces of information, we can find what Ness' dad does. Being away for long periods of time allow for two options. Either his job is out of town, or his job will detain him IN THE ACTUAL BUILDING for a long time. Also, he has a low paying job. There are plenty of those to go around, but when coupled with the first one, it starts to narrow it down. This is most certainly a low level job. The last three all basically say that he has a lot of time in which he can do as he pleases. Once again, there are multiple options. Either his job is out of town, so he goes to a hotel every night, or he isn't very well monitored.
Piecing all of this together, there can only be one job for him. Ness' dad is an engineer (not the train kind, you idiot). Ness' dad is no other than.... (dramatic drumroll and/or other dramatic noises may or may not be inserted here. Use to your own pleasure) DILBERT! Yes, he is that miserable engineer from the humorous comic strips. It all makes perfect sense. Dilbert is almost always at his job, he rarely ever makes any good amount of money, and he does whatever he wants to do at work without anyone caring ("I'm sitting in a box and checkin' my stocks...")
And the similarities don't end there. Dilbert's dog is intent on taking over the world, much like Ness' nemesis (actually, it seems like everybody wants to take over the world these days, but that's irrelevent to my point. Pretend I never said anything that may make you think that I'm wrong.) Dilbert invented a vehicle the looks amazing like the Sky Runner. Dogbert uses the said craft to take over the country of Northern Elbonia, much like Ness & Co. uses the Sky Runner to help save the world.
On a complete side note, you guys must read Dilbert or else. If you buy now, we'll include the incredible greats, such as "When I left he was face down in the clam chowder and the kitchen staff was singing 'Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead'," and great dialogue such as " (Sombody) 'Aiyeee!' (Somebody else) 'You slayed Johnson' (Yet another somebody) 'Talk about decisive management'." Of course, you will miss all of this if you don't read Dilbert!
Okay, aside from my advertisement for the great Scott Adam's work, this article has pretty much shown, with great evidence, that I am right. Yes people, this is step five where I make myself look good by saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong, thusly making me extremely happy. So, as you can see, I am right and everyone else is wrong. I am now extremely happy. Now, kids, have fun, play nice, and don't drink and drive.
(and now time for the trademarked signature that I use on mailbag posts, and now, apparently articles) Dilapidated armadillo(tm)
Okay, for my first article, I will touch upon an overused subject, but with a viewpoint used for the first time. After the current theory was posted (what does Ness' dad do that keeps him away...), I thought that my answer needed to be an article so that the masses can see the truth.
Throughout the article, I shall go through the same steps as during the theory submission, with a little more added to prove the point. I shall analyze the character using the following self-approved 5-step method:
1.Find the characteristics of Ness' dad's job and behavior
2Analyze said characteristics to find the perfect job for him
3.Unveil his true identity to the world.
4.Use more examples to prove that I'm right (as I always am)
5.State once more that I'm right because I can never hear enough of that.
Okay, only the first three are actually relevant to finding out who it is, but number four is for the readers and number five is for my self-enjoyment.
For step 1, we find the characteristics of Ness' dad's job and behavior. Quite simply put, these are as follows:
- He is away for long periods of time
- As he had to borrow money from the Minches, he can deduce that he isn't the richest man and thus is not payed well.
- He has plenty of free time to walk down to the bank to make deposits for his son (which is the Minches' money, if you remember)
- He also has plenty of phone time, as he calls you every two hours and his line is open whenever you want to call.
- He has time to sleep on the job (I was just about to hit the hay....)
Now, using these five pieces of information, we can find what Ness' dad does. Being away for long periods of time allow for two options. Either his job is out of town, or his job will detain him IN THE ACTUAL BUILDING for a long time. Also, he has a low paying job. There are plenty of those to go around, but when coupled with the first one, it starts to narrow it down. This is most certainly a low level job. The last three all basically say that he has a lot of time in which he can do as he pleases. Once again, there are multiple options. Either his job is out of town, so he goes to a hotel every night, or he isn't very well monitored.
Piecing all of this together, there can only be one job for him. Ness' dad is an engineer (not the train kind, you idiot). Ness' dad is no other than.... (dramatic drumroll and/or other dramatic noises may or may not be inserted here. Use to your own pleasure) DILBERT! Yes, he is that miserable engineer from the humorous comic strips. It all makes perfect sense. Dilbert is almost always at his job, he rarely ever makes any good amount of money, and he does whatever he wants to do at work without anyone caring ("I'm sitting in a box and checkin' my stocks...")
And the similarities don't end there. Dilbert's dog is intent on taking over the world, much like Ness' nemesis (actually, it seems like everybody wants to take over the world these days, but that's irrelevent to my point. Pretend I never said anything that may make you think that I'm wrong.) Dilbert invented a vehicle the looks amazing like the Sky Runner. Dogbert uses the said craft to take over the country of Northern Elbonia, much like Ness & Co. uses the Sky Runner to help save the world.
On a complete side note, you guys must read Dilbert or else. If you buy now, we'll include the incredible greats, such as "When I left he was face down in the clam chowder and the kitchen staff was singing 'Ding-Dong the Witch is Dead'," and great dialogue such as " (Sombody) 'Aiyeee!' (Somebody else) 'You slayed Johnson' (Yet another somebody) 'Talk about decisive management'." Of course, you will miss all of this if you don't read Dilbert!
Okay, aside from my advertisement for the great Scott Adam's work, this article has pretty much shown, with great evidence, that I am right. Yes people, this is step five where I make myself look good by saying I'm right and everyone else is wrong, thusly making me extremely happy. So, as you can see, I am right and everyone else is wrong. I am now extremely happy. Now, kids, have fun, play nice, and don't drink and drive.
(and now time for the trademarked signature that I use on mailbag posts, and now, apparently articles) Dilapidated armadillo(tm)
